Corner to Nowhere

It is my corner that leads to nowhere.


August 2015


There are times that you will feel something just because of the things that you saw, encounter and/or experience. Though it might be a bit sensitive of you to feel it, you can’t just avoid thinking about your hunch.

It is so hard to feel confident and all to yourself if the people around you makes you experience the opposite of it. It is just that even how much you do; you will have the tendency to think on how and what they think about you. In my case, I rarely have a wrong hunch. If there is, there is really something.

How can you move forward if you can’t spread your wings to its fullest? I know there is something off and happening behind my back. The worst thing is, it might be caused by the people I trust.

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Random Thoughts

I’m quiet bored. Yeah yeah yeah… I know, I still have a lot of things to do… but it just crossed my mind, should I write something to relieve my boredom? So, this is the reason why you are now reading this.

Actually I really don’t have any idea on what I should write. My hands are just continuously typing and wrecking my keyboard. As of this paragraph, my mind is still thinking on what idea I should do. Well, it seems that it is not in a hundred condition to come up with something.

There are a quite a number of people in my surrounding now. They are talking about different things and some are just so dead serious in what they are doing. It seems like I’m the one who’s just playing around though it is not really the case. I’m just wondering if I talk to all these people, would I be able to know something. Anything under the sun would do. If they can teach me something that would be pique my interest, I would love to sit down and have a coffee with them (though it should be their treat… doesn’t have much money these past few weeks…)

On a different perspective, I’ve been hearing the same songs for the past hours. Though the best one (for me) is the “IN THE END” by Linkin Park. Rock ‘n roll! “It starts with one thing I don’t know why. It doesn’t even matter how hard you try. Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme to explain in due time all I know…” did you sing it? Also, you could imagine me singing it with all my might… especially the second line…

I run out of what I should talk about. My head suddenly look for something that can be the subject of my next paragraph. I just realized that my desk is really messy and disorganized, which quite not like me. I promise to clean and make things in order later. Pinky promise!

Foods??? That’s the thing I need right now. To be specific, it has to be chocolates! Yum yum yum… but ice cream and cakes would do, too… donuts, I would also love to eat some… let’s stop this paragraph… cause I might drool soon…

Wait… I’ll just play the song “In the End”…

(Look for the file and play it in the Windows Media Player)

So, I think this is enough for now. I’ll just sing this song. Bye-bye.

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Lheana’s Emotions

Clock strikes. It seems that it just happened yesterday, and it seems that fate wants Lheana to regret the decision that she made on that day.

That was the time when she thought to give up and stop already. It is because of the things that she took into considerations and she knows deep inside her, there is someone saying that the things that she has done and been through is enough. All things are already in set, except for the acceptance of that person. Several days before the day she decided to bid her farewell, “he” talked to her and said things that she already know but somehow “he” made her think twice. She firmly stand on her decision and her resolved won’t be changed. However, on that span of time before the “last day”, there were problems that happened which she really don’t have control to. It involved the people who are really dear to her, and that’s when her decision was shaken. All the conditions are against those people and it leave her no choice but to stay for them. It is because she can’t afford to leave them in that state. On the last-minute, she decided to call off her resolutions.

Of course, it is natural that her stay would have some equivalent exchange. The truth is she somehow enjoyed getting things her way and having her requests granted. She would be lying if she says that she don’t feel too confident about those time. But she forgot to remind herself that time would also come that it will have a weight; sooner or later. It is so childish of her to think that everything would stay and destiny would always be in favor of her.

As the time stands now, her situation can be compared on having a nightmare. A nightmare that continually shows her what are her shortcomings, her flaws, her state of being useless… continuously giving her a feeling that she is just a puppet and worthless…

It is natural that even going through a bad dream, she always tried to pull herself and get it together because she knows that there are people who relies on her and still believes on her capabilities even though she committed so much mistakes… but the reality would mock her and slap her that she is incapable of doing the things that she intends to do.

It ends up that the thought she has that she is the one protecting her treasure is a mistake. It is the other way around. It really pains her that the only solution that she has on her sleeves right now is to continue the farewell she once planned. A very painful stab in her heart that will surely leave a scar that will always remain.

A farewell that is soon to come… just waiting for all the conditions to be met… just waiting for the bucket to be overflowed… just waiting for herself to be devoured by the reality that no matter what kind of ideas, strategies and things that she will thought of; it won’t work… just waiting for the time that she would hit the “restart” button.

The only things that she can say right now are “Thank you” and “I’m sorry” to the people that she bothered with her emotions…

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Drip. Drip. Drip. Drop.

As the rain fall, there is someone who seems to shed the same amount of water that pours from heaven; a girl who is continuously battling with herself.

A child who grew up being loved by her family and relatives, surrounded by friends and good neighbors, like a fantastic childhood that everyone had dreamed of. Though, she also suffers from several sadness and fatigue, she is still thankful that she went thru everything and she was able to feel those kinds of emotions even if she is still young.

Getting an education makes her stronger. She even tried to run away when things are so tough, she even got scolded by some people and she even acquired a trauma. This phase of her life is not that colorful at all, but she just go with the flow and still stand even if her legs are shaking. Though at this pace of her life, she gave so much disappointment because she is no match compared to her cousins. She just thought that somehow she will be able to get through it. She is still loved by the people that surround her.

Cum Laude? This one of the things she didn’t even think of having even once during her entire life. She’s just taking this as carefree as possible. She only made an inspiration out of her cousins who did great. Of course, being afraid that she will be mocked if she won’t have any awards; she strives and did her best while having some fun. She also found treasures along the way, people who’ve seen her at her lowest but still love and accept all of her.

Venturing into a new world is like sailing in the sea. She thought that she will be able to manage things because it is in her field and most especially, her passion. You can say that her experience is more adventurous than a roller coaster ride. She completely went from confident into hopeless. As if her mere presence doesn’t even make a difference. She is easily deceived because she trusts people so much. She always have hope that things would be working smoothly soon. She is barely holding now because of the people who support her, but there is something in her heart that says that she not valuable anymore. She just completely stares into the space and thinks how should she can get back on her footings… she is already shattered on having negative thoughts… screaming that she doesn’t want to stay anymore if things stay as it is right now… getting all worked up for nothing… being appreciated in the things that she did right doesn’t matter to her, it’s all about having the emotions that she had during her first months… however, as days go pass by’ she is being continuously damaged by one of the people that she looks up to… she doesn’t want to reach to the point that her eyes would be dead from any feelings and attachments… is there a new place that she can go into? A place where she can be someone who is accepted and not judged? A place where she will be honed into a new and better individual…


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