Corner to Nowhere

It is my corner that leads to nowhere.


November 2015

Unsaid Hello

With a heavy heart and emotional feelings, it is very hard to say goodbye when we haven’t said “Hello” to Chrizzle’s baby, Chrizztle Corine.

When we heard the news that Sinta (the nickname that I gave to Chrizzle) was pregnant, everyone in our barkada was so excited and happy because that will be the first in our circle. We talked about things that concern her pregnancy such as how she found out, how she delivered the news to her family, what she felt on that moment, and a lot of things, too. It was really filled with colors when we are talking about this. The happiness became more and more when we found out the gender of her baby… and yes, it is a girl.

Months and months had passed; Sinta’s excitement was really showing off. We might not be there during the times that she carried her baby in her womb but we feel how she is really looking forward on holding her baby in her arms.

Month of November. It is the month when she is expecting her baby to be born. On the second day of this month, a beautiful and so lovely baby girl came to this world. She and her husband already decided that this little child will be named Chrizztle Corine. Congratulatory messages are piling up because of her successful delivery. We are so excited to see Corine up close and try to hold her. It is such a wonderful happening.

November 4, 2015, around afternoon, a shocking and saddening news broke out. Baby Corine died. Everyone was left speechless, everyone was asking why, everyone was asking for Sinta’s condition and how she is, the feeling of regrets… no words can be explained how that news left us shaken.

The moment when we visited Baby Corine’s wake last November 5, 2015, the sadness was overflowing. Almost everyone in our Barkada was there. The moment when we saw Sinta, there was a sudden hurt in our hearts. The way she conveys her emotions to us, how she tells us how things happened, the things that she and Corine did, and everything that occurred on the two days that she spent with Corine, it is something that moves us. The pain the she is feeling can’t be measured. She acts as if she is already fine but we all know that she is still suffering from her loss. We can’t find the right words to say to her.

To Baby Corine whom most of us haven’t personally met, it is a regret that we weren’t able to see you and only witness you inside a coffin. We all know that you are now in God’s hand. Hope you’ll be your mama’s guardian angel. Make her feel your presence to lessen her bereavement, ok?

So long, little angel.



With having lots of mixed emotions in my heart, I came across the blog of Cloris Kylie Stock about “How to know when it’s time to give up”. As I read it, I realized a lot of things. That’s why I decided to get his/her pointers on this blog.


Your quest to solve a problem takes over all other aspects of your life.

“That” certain aspect of my life almost affects all of my living process. I don’t know when it started at all. It seems that it became the center of my life. Whenever I feel depressed about it, which will be my mood for the entire day; most of the time, I am craving for appreciation on it and I have the tendency not to appreciate the other things that is presented to me. All of the things that are happening on me that is related to it do really affect my whole life and seems that it is really damaging not only my health but as well as my life.


You aren’t able to visualize a positive outcome.

In reality, I am really an optimistic individual. I always do things with enthusiasm. But, as I currently stand… I always have the FEAR that whatever I do, it will always FAIL. Even how much I do my best, it is still not enough. I can’t even see myself being successful in anything that I will do concerning this matter. I already feel like a loser and a walking bomb, a burden to everyone.



You start to feel poorly about yourself.

As a result of being there, I ended up being depressed, having low self-esteem and self-confidence which is not my personality before. I am the type of individual who always like taking risks but now? I can’t even say that I believe in myself the way I say it before. I almost come to a point wherein I already hate myself.

When you wake up in the morning, your first thought is to give up.

Every now and then, I ask myself if it still worth fighting for or not. The energetic me became someone who is a scaredy cat. Wanting to scream and say “Come and save me from this place!”

By analyzing my thoughts right now, I just hold onto God that he has a reason why I’m going through this. I just need to continue learning from this and stay to be myself. Even how many tears I shed, how much emotional pain I feel, how many times I feel like a knife is stabbing me, how nerve wrecking events will be and how many times I feel depressed; those people won’t realize and care what my current standing is because they only need me because they don’t have any replacement for now. But once they are done with me, I will be just a piece of crap that did nothing for them. So why bother now, right? I will just be happy and do the things that can make me feel that I have a purpose. So, I’m giving up on it. I did my best and I don’t have any regrets. I’ll just let God to handle the rest.

No matter how good you treat others, it doesn’t mean that they will also be like that to you. People vary.


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