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Corner to Nowhere

It is my corner that leads to nowhere.

I’m just beautiful me

Every girl must always feel beautiful and have the self confidence to walk on the ramp of this never ending show.

With all honesty, I seldom think that I’m pretty; though I joke about it sometimes but it doesn’t really mean that I do think so. I always think that I just don’t have what it takes to have the label “beautiful”.

I love wearing different kinds of clothes from boyish to very feminine ones. Having the feel of being a model though I’m really not. It just that it really feels nice when you can dress to express yourself. Wearing slippers to high heels, it is exciting to mix and match not only the dress and shoes but also to align it based on my mood.

At times, I also do some makeup on myself… Just simple touches… But, when a very dear friend of mine tried to put some more… It turned out so great that I can say with all confidence that I’m beautiful without adding the word “joke” at the end of my sentence. You know that kind of feeling that you’re star struck to yourself? It feels like “Oh! My Gosh!” Taking selfies here and there to have a remembrance of that moment. It is so amazing!

Of course at the end of the day, after removing those make up… I feel like I become Cinderella who just got home after the party. Though I don’t have a prince coming to me the next day.

I do love myself but it doesn’t mean that I always favor my side. After experiencing such great moment, I can always say that I might not have a very pretty face but I’m just beautiful me.

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Epic Fail Alarm

Every night, I set my alarm around 4:00 am in the morning. 4:10 am, 4:20 am and 4:30 am are the times that I set it. I’ll get up from my bed on my last alarm. However, there was a time when it didn’t happen.

I have this habit of waking up a minute before my alarm rings; one morning, I turned off my alarm for 4:20 am as soon as it rings. Of course, I know that I still have 10 more minutes left for my last alarm. I slept for few more minutes and when I suddenly felt that I have to take a shower, I grabbed my phone and checked what time it is… with a BIG SHOCK, it was already 4:45 am! That kind of feeling when you become so awake and because of the fact that I’m the type who dislikes being late, I moved x2 than the usual. With a bit of luck and the “Flash” moves, I didn’t arrive late on my work place. And take note, I still had a spare time to eat another set of breakfast on my way.

 

With so much things and works on my hand on that day, I didn’t had a chance to even have a “pause”. It was somehow like its coming one after another. It was so overwhelming because you haven’t started the next task then here comes two more! Time run so fast, online selling on my desktop and social networking sites on my personal phone (note: those are my main workloads). Without realizing what’s happening around me and just focusing on my work; my phone suddenly alarmed! It was the alarm that was supposedly set on 4:30 am not on 4:30 pm! Luckily, nobody noticed it, and I was like smiling all by myself because of that silly mistake that I did.

 

Oh well… that alarm was kind a helpful cause it made a pause on that busy day. This time, I’ll just make sure to properly set my alarm.

The Hairstylist

We all know that the hair of a woman is her crowning glory. It is really fascinating for the fact that it can have a lot of styles depending on one’s personality… and one of those is having different braids for it.

 

When I was young, my mother used to do my hairstyles. Everyday has a different hairstyle. I was really fond of the things that she did on my hair. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn how to style my hair the way she did… I can just do ponytails. So, I guess my hair is kind a sad because it wasn’t styled for so long.

 

There is this someone that goes by the name Aileen Antonio. At first, we were not that really close because we come from different departments. One time, I saw her doing a hairstyle for one of our workmate. I was really captivated on how she did the braid. It was like having stars on my eyes and the words “I also want that!” keeps on pooping in my mind. One time, I tried to ask her to do my hair… and luckily she agreed to do so. While she was doing it, it felt like a magic is being cast on me. Without even realizing it, it was already finished. She is so amazing; she can make you have not only a beautiful hairdo but as well as feeling confident about yourself.

 

At the present, I keep on asking her to do my hair. She never turned me down and it is something that I’m grateful to her. The magic on her hands keeps on getting better. Ooohhh~~~ I love her so much… to the extent that I’m already calling her “Morning Best friend”, for the reason that she styles my hair every morning.

 

Take note, if you will be able to have the chance to have your hair done by her… I assure you, that somehow, you will get the feeling that you will be attending a wedding.

 

This is also one of the things that I love when I have my hair on braids, the after effects of it on my hair. It became curly!

 

To Aileen, your talent to make other people feel happy and beautiful… it is one of your best qualities. No wonder God gave you such talent; he knows that it won’t go to waste. Thank you for always putting up a beautiful hairstyle for me!

 

The Unappreciated and the Highlighted

Have you ever been in a situation wherein whatever you do, how hard you try your best and how much effort you give; it is still not enough and lacks in different aspects? On the other hand, committing a mistake, even how small and little, it creates an uproar?

 

Many might experience or suffer from being UNAPPRECIATED. You know the fact that doing everything you think that can make a certain scenario better, adjusting to things to make the unsteady into stable, accepting every word that are being thrown at you even though it doesn’t have a basis and pushing yourself to reach others “standards”; yet, it doesn’t matter at all. One more thing, even though you feel you accomplished something and be proud of it… suddenly a meteor will come crashing to you and make you realize that it is not worthy at all. Another? It is when you pour all of your efforts and dedication but the answer to it would be: “It is nothing compared to us!” Just want to ask… is there a rating in order for them to determine what is enough to be accepted as “Effort and Dedication”? Does being “physically” exhausted harder than being “mentally” tired? Does the location matters in terms of saying which one is giving “more”? Lastly, are those beauties in the shadows nothing compared to the ones in the spotlight?

 

In my own opinion, one of the things that causes the feeling of being unappreciated is C-O-M-P-A-R-I-S-O-N. I think it is quite obvious on this blog because of the questions I’ve written down on the previous paragraph. I hope that people can have the thinking that everyone is just like a puzzle piece: has a PLACE and VALUE.

 

The Highlighted. I guess everyone have committed a mistake and repent on it. I think there is no one who loves making a wrong “move” or decision, right? These are instances wherein you will be in between of two colliding walls. It just so happened that you will be caught in it, even though you explain your side, they will listen but not to respond rather it is for them to react. And worse, you’re really not the liable one for it. However, listening to their hurtful words and how does it make you feel after they say whatever they want to say just because you did the “wrong”… It can’t be reverted anymore. The funny part is, you won’t hear an apology for it and still, it is your fault.

 

When does right become wrong? It is when it favors them.

When does wrong become right? It is when it doesn’t favor them.

 

The world is full of trickery. When A committed a mistake, it is a sin and unforgivable. On the other hand, when B did the same, it is only natural and forgivable. Funny. Funny. Funny. Very. Very. Very.

 

I think there are some who are already saying “Can I throw the towel now? I am already beaten to the maximum extent.” It will be nice if when you are already having too much, a ringside bell will ring, so that you can take a break and relax before you continue on the next round. In this world, each individual has a morale that should not be stepped by anyone who doesn’t even know how to respect. Treatment may vary per person; however it must always be fair.

 

Life is about endurance and patience. You are the only one that can decide whether it is time to stop and proceed on a different path. Just always ask for God’s guidance and you will never be lost even if you don’t know where you are going because the Almighty sees what to appreciate on those “unappreciated” and “highlighted” the feeling of being sorry and the repentance for our mistakes.

To my “Sister”… Here and there…

Time flies so fast. I didn’t even realized that it’s been so long since I’ve been with you… but don’t worry, you’re always here in my heart… I really don’t know how should I put all my admiration and feelings for you thru words… as of this moment, I do really want to give you a super tight hug… so, here is my message for you…

 

Intelligence. A woman who possesses knowledge and it can’t be denied by anyone else. If there will be someone, I’ll punch them in their face. Since we were little, I do look up to you. Tried to imitate how you do things because I’m so amazed on how all those information are inside your brain. Moreover, I didn’t heard you boosting about this and still crave for more understanding. I’m so proud that I have such an amazing cousin. You’ll always be the number 1 for me.

 

Beauty and wit. Don’t have to emphasize on this. It’s so obvious and only in denial ones would say no to this. Beauty not only in the outside but as well as in the inside. A beauty that charms lot of people.

 

I think if I will lay down every characteristics that you have that I love, it will be endless. You’re such an amazing individual. Even when we were little, though the fact that I don’t have a sister, it is still clear to me how you treated me as your little sister. You’re concerned to me and always look out for me. You do really make me feel that I do have an older sister. All the advice and things that you’d helped me through, those might not have meanings to you but for me, those are priceless. The way you express your confidence in me, it is one of the things that make me so blessed.

 

Now, there is a lucky guy who will have you for the rest of his life. He is so blessed because you are the total package. I hope that he will treasure you and love you so much.

 

As you walk down the aisle today, I might not be there to witness that special event on your life. However, I know that you are so beautiful and filled with happiness. I do really wish to God to shower the new chapter of your life with lots of blessings. I’m so happy and proud of you.

 

Always remember that we might be apart, but I will always be with you. I love you so much!

 

Best wishes, Couz Karen!

Unsaid Hello

With a heavy heart and emotional feelings, it is very hard to say goodbye when we haven’t said “Hello” to Chrizzle’s baby, Chrizztle Corine.

When we heard the news that Sinta (the nickname that I gave to Chrizzle) was pregnant, everyone in our barkada was so excited and happy because that will be the first in our circle. We talked about things that concern her pregnancy such as how she found out, how she delivered the news to her family, what she felt on that moment, and a lot of things, too. It was really filled with colors when we are talking about this. The happiness became more and more when we found out the gender of her baby… and yes, it is a girl.

Months and months had passed; Sinta’s excitement was really showing off. We might not be there during the times that she carried her baby in her womb but we feel how she is really looking forward on holding her baby in her arms.

Month of November. It is the month when she is expecting her baby to be born. On the second day of this month, a beautiful and so lovely baby girl came to this world. She and her husband already decided that this little child will be named Chrizztle Corine. Congratulatory messages are piling up because of her successful delivery. We are so excited to see Corine up close and try to hold her. It is such a wonderful happening.

November 4, 2015, around afternoon, a shocking and saddening news broke out. Baby Corine died. Everyone was left speechless, everyone was asking why, everyone was asking for Sinta’s condition and how she is, the feeling of regrets… no words can be explained how that news left us shaken.

The moment when we visited Baby Corine’s wake last November 5, 2015, the sadness was overflowing. Almost everyone in our Barkada was there. The moment when we saw Sinta, there was a sudden hurt in our hearts. The way she conveys her emotions to us, how she tells us how things happened, the things that she and Corine did, and everything that occurred on the two days that she spent with Corine, it is something that moves us. The pain the she is feeling can’t be measured. She acts as if she is already fine but we all know that she is still suffering from her loss. We can’t find the right words to say to her.

To Baby Corine whom most of us haven’t personally met, it is a regret that we weren’t able to see you and only witness you inside a coffin. We all know that you are now in God’s hand. Hope you’ll be your mama’s guardian angel. Make her feel your presence to lessen her bereavement, ok?

So long, little angel.

LHEANA, IT’S TIME TO GIVE UP

With having lots of mixed emotions in my heart, I came across the blog of Cloris Kylie Stock about “How to know when it’s time to give up”. As I read it, I realized a lot of things. That’s why I decided to get his/her pointers on this blog.

 

Your quest to solve a problem takes over all other aspects of your life.

“That” certain aspect of my life almost affects all of my living process. I don’t know when it started at all. It seems that it became the center of my life. Whenever I feel depressed about it, which will be my mood for the entire day; most of the time, I am craving for appreciation on it and I have the tendency not to appreciate the other things that is presented to me. All of the things that are happening on me that is related to it do really affect my whole life and seems that it is really damaging not only my health but as well as my life.

 

You aren’t able to visualize a positive outcome.

In reality, I am really an optimistic individual. I always do things with enthusiasm. But, as I currently stand… I always have the FEAR that whatever I do, it will always FAIL. Even how much I do my best, it is still not enough. I can’t even see myself being successful in anything that I will do concerning this matter. I already feel like a loser and a walking bomb, a burden to everyone.

 

 

You start to feel poorly about yourself.

As a result of being there, I ended up being depressed, having low self-esteem and self-confidence which is not my personality before. I am the type of individual who always like taking risks but now? I can’t even say that I believe in myself the way I say it before. I almost come to a point wherein I already hate myself.


When you wake up in the morning, your first thought is to give up.

Every now and then, I ask myself if it still worth fighting for or not. The energetic me became someone who is a scaredy cat. Wanting to scream and say “Come and save me from this place!”

By analyzing my thoughts right now, I just hold onto God that he has a reason why I’m going through this. I just need to continue learning from this and stay to be myself. Even how many tears I shed, how much emotional pain I feel, how many times I feel like a knife is stabbing me, how nerve wrecking events will be and how many times I feel depressed; those people won’t realize and care what my current standing is because they only need me because they don’t have any replacement for now. But once they are done with me, I will be just a piece of crap that did nothing for them. So why bother now, right? I will just be happy and do the things that can make me feel that I have a purpose. So, I’m giving up on it. I did my best and I don’t have any regrets. I’ll just let God to handle the rest.

No matter how good you treat others, it doesn’t mean that they will also be like that to you. People vary.

Sources:

Blog – http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-know-when-its-time-to-give-up/

Image – www.pinterest.com

SHORT LOVE STORY

I just feel so inspired to write this, I don’t know why. Recently, I’ve been thinking about our Short Love Story that happened some time ago.

“If love was a storybook, we’d meet on the very first page.”

When I first met you, I already have this lovely feeling for you. I don’t know how to explain it. I thought that it is just due to the weather at that time. At our very first meeting, you are so gentle and always look out for me. You even talk to me as if that we’ve been together for so long. It is so unusual for me because I have the thinking that I won’t be experiencing that kind of treatment in the beginning of that journey. Your kind conduct towards me made me feel assured and slowly I noticed that my eyes always noticed you. As time passed by, we’ve been close and somehow became a “tandem”. We were so in sync and it feels really nice.

“One day I caught myself smiling for no reason, and then I realized I was thinking about you.”

I don’t know when it started at all. I just feel happy whenever I’m with you. Sometime after we met, I know to myself that I already admire you. The way you act, the way you smile, the way you put up with my childish acts, the way how you make me feel like I’m on cloud nine. I just can’t help it, I feel so lucky that I met someone like you. The first person who makes my heart jumps in joy because of this kind of emotion after my tragic love story.

“Based on a psychological study, a crush only lasts for a maximum of 4 months. If it exceeds then you’re already in love.”

Yes, I admit that I fell in love with you. I treasured every moment that we were together. Even during the hard times, just you being around, it made me feel fine and still have the strength to move forward. I’ve been carrying it at that time but because of the circumstances, I didn’t permit myself to be carried by such emotions. I decided only to tell my close friends about you and shut it when we are together. I hope that the way I acted when I’m in front of you didn’t show how I truly feel about you. I am afraid that you might not see me the way I see you.

“I fell in love with you not for how you look, just for who you are.’

With all honesty, one of the things that I’m really attracted to you is how you carry yourself and the way you look, but those are just additional. The way you show who you are and the way you treated me; all those things are  what made me fall in love with you. These are some of the moments that I will really cherish:

Holding Hands. You first held my hand is when you ask me to grab it to help me. Of course, at that time, it doesn’t have a romantic meaning for me. But the most memorable time that you did is when I’m sick and can’t properly walk, you grab my hand and we walked together. You didn’t know how much my heart beat so fast at that time. I think this is one of the most romantic things that you did for me. I can still feel the touch of your hand, its warmth and tender. I also remember that a lot of people who know the two of us saw us in that state, holding hands, but you didn’t feel embarrassed and it seems that you are proud about it.

Woo. I do admit that I’m the type of girl who won’t admit my mistake unless you say sorry. Though I only do it when I really like the guy. You always put up with my roller coaster mood. You gave me surprises just to woo me and so that we can reconcile. You always ensure that a day won’t end that I feel sulky towards you. How sweet. All of your simple “peace” offerings are still kept in my treasure box.

The “I LOVE YOU”. I don’t know if I should put a meaning into this. But it is really something unusual for you to suddenly say something like that with a straight face and serious eyes. It does make me heart happy. At that time, I fell in love with you more and more.

Mini-date. It is not really the “date” that is known by the general public. It is just that we went home together. We had this talk and you said something that made me a little bit angry and I walked away from you, I thought you won’t follow me but I’m so surprised when you suddenly grab my arm and says “Sorry”. I can’t go further in telling this story; I feel so much “happiness” in my heart now.

Treasured one. I won’t tell the whole story about this, the thing that I can say is that “WE ARE BOTH IN LOVE.”

“I wasn’t planning on loving you, but I’m happy that I did.”

We haven’t seen each other for some time now, but all the memories will always be special to me. I didn’t regret that I fell in love with you; the thing that I feel guilt is that I didn’t have courage at that time to be officially with you. I know that you might have your special someone now and I guess why we are separated with one another is to test our feelings. But if it end that we were not destined, I’m still blessed and lucky to meet someone like you.

Photo credits: www.logosapologia.org

Watashi no hikari ni

There is this one woman who possesses not only beauty on the outside but also in the inside. Someone who has unconsciously shares the light that overflows in her.

Believe me or not, when I first met her on our College School; I had a hard time remembering her face. I can’t explain why but that’s how it is. I guess it took me some time before I become familiar with her beauty. Of course, I’ll admit somehow along the first chapter of our friendship, I thought that she is a person that’s “overconfident” with herself. It is due to the some experiences that I have with “beauties”, I think you know what I mean.

During our first year in College, June 16, 2015, our group called “Star Girls” was formed. You might as why we had that name group, it is because in our Study Area we always coincidentally study in a table that has a star. So that’s it! So simple, right? Our group was consists of 5 female students. Honestly, she was not the one that I’m really close with. When I think about it, we really don’t have “our” moments before. To cut the long story short, I am not that very “buddy buddy” with her before.

Throughout our journey, she is the only person who never left me when I’m at the bottom. She is someone who always believes in me and tells me that I’m the best and boost my confidence by saying “Janna pa ba?” She might not know how much it means to me when she didn’t left me and stood by my side all this time. She is one of the reasons why I was able to conquer all the trials and achieve my goals. I know that I have the “moody” personality but you won’t believe, she is always able to put up with it. Moreover, she gets angry and rebuke me when I did something wrong or when she wants me to realize something. Whenever I feel down and lost, she will always be there with her bright smile, no words might be spoken but I will be able to feel all the things that she wants to say.

Hikari “Light”. The first time that I told her that she is my “Sunshine”, she got somehow irritated, can’t say the reason why. Though I know that this might pissed her again, instead of calling her that, I decided to refer her as “Light” or “Hikari” in Japanese. I think I need to be ready because I have this feeling that her palm will smash me again! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Whenever I think and look back on our relationship, I feel thankful to God that he gave me such a wonderful person, someone who is very rare nowadays. She might not feel it but I do really love her, if I can just steal her from her boyfriend, I’ll do it. Just kidding! Honestly we really don’t have the same personality, it is just that (I think) we have understanding and acceptance for one another. It is also for the reason that somehow in some ways, we do have the similar situations in our life.

Another confession is, there are times that I thought of the possibility that we will have a disagreement and what if our friendship will be cold, I always ended up in a corner of my room. I’m really scared of that thought. So please, don’t leave me! I promise to be a good girl, ok? Hahahahahaha…

Now I don’t know what I am writing down anymore. Oh well, thank you for being born in this world. Thank you for being a special friend of mine. Thank you for everything, Oinky!

Oh well, here it is the purpose of this blogpost: Advance Happy Birthday, my friend! Mwuah! Mwuah! Tsup Tsup! Aldub you! *pabebe wave*

Photo credits: Da-dah H Ziur

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